And How Therapy Can Help
By Eileen Borski, LPC, NCC | Certified EMDR Therapist | Certified IASIS Microcurrent Neurofeedback Provider | Certified in Neuropsychotherapy
A Child Can Be Deeply Loved and Still Carry the Effects of Early Trauma
One of the most heartbreaking moments I witness as a therapist is when an adoptive parent says, “We’ve given our child everything we possibly can. Why are they still struggling?”
Behind that question is often guilt, confusion, and a fear that they have somehow failed their child.
The truth is that love and trauma can exist in the same story.
Behind that question is often guilt, confusion, and a fear that they have somehow failed their child.
The truth is that love and trauma can exist in the same story.
Many adoptive parents provide safe, stable, nurturing homes filled with patience and unconditional love. Yet even within those loving environments, some children continue to experience anxiety, emotional outbursts, difficulty trusting others, problems with attention, sleep disturbances, or intense reactions that seem to come out of nowhere.
Many people believe that once a child joins a loving family, any effects of past hardship will just go away. While safety and connection are important for healing, the brain and nervous system regularly need time and sometimes extra support to work through experiences from before the adoption.
Understanding why this happens can replace self-blame with compassion and provide families with a clearer road forward.
Understanding why this happens can replace self-blame with compassion and provide families with a clearer road forward.
Adoption Does Not Automatically Mean Trauma
Before going further, it is important to recognize an important distinction.
Not every adopted child has experienced trauma.
Not every adopted child has experienced trauma.
Every adoption story is unique. Some children are adopted shortly after birth into stable, nurturing homes and demonstrate outstanding resilience throughout development. Others have experienced significant adversity before joining their adoptive family.
Even when children have not experienced abuse or neglect, adoption itself regularly involves some degree of loss. Separation from a primary caregiver, changes in familiar environments, uncertainty, or multiple transitions may influence how a child’s developing brain learns to experience safety and relationships.
Rather than viewing adoption itself as traumatic, it is more accurate to understand that some adopted children have experienced events surrounding adoption that can affect emotional development and nervous system regulation.
Rather than viewing adoption itself as traumatic, it is more accurate to understand that some adopted children have experienced events surrounding adoption that can affect emotional development and nervous system regulation.
Noticing these differences helps parents approach their child with interest rather than assumptions.
What Is Childhood Trauma?
Trauma is not defined only by what happened to a child.
Trauma is also about how the child’s brain and nervous system experienced those events. Two children may experience similar circumstances yet respond very differently depending on factors such as age, temperament, available support, genetics, and the consistency of caregiving. In my work with clients, many people are surprised to learn that trauma is not always tied to dramatic or highly visible events. Sometimes it develops through repeated experiences of variability, inconsistent caregiving, chronic stress, or prolonged feelings of not being safe.
For children, whose brains are still rapidly developing, these experiences can affect how they respond to relationships, emotions, learning, and everyday stress.
Types of Trauma Some Adopted Children May Experience
Every child’s history is different. Some children have experienced very little adversity before adoption, while others have faced multiple layers of stress or loss. Some possible experiences include:
Separation From Primary Caregivers
Even infants can experience stress associated with separation from the person who cared for them during pregnancy or immediately after birth. Although an infant cannot consciously remember these events, the nervous system begins to develop long before language does. Academics continue to study how early attachment disruptions may influence later emotional management and relationship patterns.
Multiple Placements
Some children move between foster homes, relatives, emergency placements, or institutions before finding a permanent family. Each transition may involve one more significant loss. Imagine finally beginning to trust someone, only to be moved again. Repeated interruptions might make it understandably difficult for a child to believe that relationships are permanent.
Neglect
Neglect is sometimes less visible than abuse, but it can produce profound effects on development. Children who experienced inconsistent feeding, limited emotional responsiveness, poor supervision, or unmet medical needs often learned that their environment was unpredictable. Their brains adapted accordingly.
Physical, Emotional, or Sexual Abuse
Some adopted children have experienced abuse before adoption. These experiences might shape how safe they feel around adults, how they interpret affection, and how they respond to stress long after they enter a secure home.
Prenatal Stress or Substance Exposure
Exposure to marked maternal stress, alcohol, drugs, or other complications during pregnancy may affect early brain development. While these factors do not determine a child’s future, they may contribute to challenges with attention, emotional self-regulation, sensory processing, or executive functioning.
Institutional or Orphanage Care
Children who spend extended periods in institutional settings sometimes experience limited opportunities for individualized caregiving. When caregivers must meet the needs of many children simultaneously, opportunities for consistent attachment can be reduced.
Medical Trauma
Multiple surgeries, prolonged hospitalizations, chronic illness, or painful medical procedures during infancy or early childhood can also affect how a child’s nervous system learns to interpret safety.
Cultural or Identity Loss
Children adopted internationally or through transracial adoption may later wrestle with questions surrounding identity, belonging, and cultural connection.
These experiences deserve thoughtful discussion as children mature and deepen their understanding of themselves.
These experiences deserve thoughtful discussion as children mature and deepen their understanding of themselves.
How Early Trauma Can Affect the Developing Brain
One pattern I frequently notice is that parents interpret behaviors as intentional choices when, in reality, many are automatic survival responses.
The developing brain is incredibly adaptive. When children repeatedly experience fear, uncertainty, neglect, or unpredictability, the brain becomes exceptionally skilled at detecting possible danger.
This adaptation aids children in surviving difficult environments. The challenge is that these protective patterns commonly remain active long after the danger has passed. Instead of asking, “Why is my child acting this way?” a more helpful question often becomes, “What has my child’s nervous system learned about staying safe?” That faint shift changes everything.
This adaptation aids children in surviving difficult environments. The challenge is that these protective patterns commonly remain active long after the danger has passed. Instead of asking, “Why is my child acting this way?” a more helpful question often becomes, “What has my child’s nervous system learned about staying safe?” That faint shift changes everything.
Understanding the Nervous System’s Survival Responses
When the brain senses danger, it automatically activates protective responses.
These responses are not choices. They are survival mechanisms.
Fight
Some children become aggressive, argumentative, controlling, or oppositional.
Rather than viewing these behaviors simply as defiance, it can be helpful to ask whether the child is attempting to regain a sense of safety or control.
Rather than viewing these behaviors simply as defiance, it can be helpful to ask whether the child is attempting to regain a sense of safety or control.
Flight
Other children become restless, anxious, perfectionistic, or constantly busy.
Some avoid difficult conversations or highly emotional situations altogether.
Some avoid difficult conversations or highly emotional situations altogether.
Freeze
Some children appear emotionally shut down.
Parents may describe them as quiet, detached, difficult to motivate, or emotionally distant.
Freeze responses are often misunderstood as laziness or lack of caring when they may actually reflect an overwhelmed nervous system.
Parents may describe them as quiet, detached, difficult to motivate, or emotionally distant.
Freeze responses are often misunderstood as laziness or lack of caring when they may actually reflect an overwhelmed nervous system.
Fawn
Some children become chronic people-pleasers.
They work tirelessly to avoid conflict, anticipate others’ needs, or gain approval because keeping connected earlier felt key for survival.
They work tirelessly to avoid conflict, anticipate others’ needs, or gain approval because keeping connected earlier felt key for survival.
Why Behaviors Often Make More Sense Than They First Appear
Many behaviors that concern parents are actually adaptive approaches that once served an important purpose.
For example:
• Hoarding food may have developed after inconsistent access to meals.
• Difficulty accepting affection may reflect earlier experiences where adults were unsafe.
• Hypervigilance may develop after living in unstable environments.
• Emotional outbursts may occur because the brain reacts quickly to sensed danger before logical thinking has time to engage.
• Hoarding food may have developed after inconsistent access to meals.
• Difficulty accepting affection may reflect earlier experiences where adults were unsafe.
• Hypervigilance may develop after living in unstable environments.
• Emotional outbursts may occur because the brain reacts quickly to sensed danger before logical thinking has time to engage.
These behaviors can certainly create complications within a family. At the same time, understanding where they come from commonly shifts the conversation from discipline alone to healing alongside healthy structure.
Recognizing Possible Signs of Trauma in Adopted Children
Trauma does not look the same in every child.
Some children externalize their distress through behavior, while others quietly carry anxiety under the surface. Parents sometimes tell me they feel confused because their child can appear perfectly regulated at school but completely unravel at home. Paradoxically, this can actually be a sign that the child feels safest with the people they trust most. Holding emotions together all day requires tremendous effort. Once home, where the nervous system senses greater safety, those emotions may finally surface.
Some signs that may call for further exploration include:
Emotional Signs
• Intense anxiety
• Ongoing sadness
• Frequent irritability
• Emotional outbursts that seem disproportionate to the situation
• Difficulty calming after becoming upset
• Ongoing sadness
• Frequent irritability
• Emotional outbursts that seem disproportionate to the situation
• Difficulty calming after becoming upset
Behavioral Signs
• Aggression
• Withdrawal from family members
• Hoarding food or possessions
• Lying that appears rooted in fear rather than manipulation
• Difficulty following routines
• Excessive need for control
• Withdrawal from family members
• Hoarding food or possessions
• Lying that appears rooted in fear rather than manipulation
• Difficulty following routines
• Excessive need for control
Relationship Signs
• Difficulty trusting caregivers
• Pushing others away after becoming close
• Fear of abandonment
• Challenges accepting praise or affection
• Pushing others away after becoming close
• Fear of abandonment
• Challenges accepting praise or affection
Physical Signs
• Sleep disturbances
• Frequent nightmares
• Heightened startle response
• Sensory sensitivities
• Chronic muscle tension
• Stomachaches or headaches without a clear medical explanation
• Frequent nightmares
• Heightened startle response
• Sensory sensitivities
• Chronic muscle tension
• Stomachaches or headaches without a clear medical explanation
None of these signs automatically indicates trauma. They may arise for many different reasons, including developmental stages, medical conditions, learning differences, or other mental health concerns. An in-depth evaluation by a qualified professional may help determine what may be affecting a child’s experiences.
Common Misconceptions About Adoption Trauma
Parents often encounter well-meaning advice that downplays the realities of trauma and healing. Understanding what the research and clinical experience actually suggest can help reduce unnecessary guilt and nurture more realistic expectations.
Myth: A loving home should erase the effects of early trauma.
Reality: Love is the foundation for healing, but early experiences can continue to influence the developing brain and nervous system. Healing often occurs gradually as children experience repeated moments of safety, connection, and support.
Reality: Love is the foundation for healing, but early experiences can continue to influence the developing brain and nervous system. Healing often occurs gradually as children experience repeated moments of safety, connection, and support.
Myth: If a child was adopted as an infant, trauma is impossible.
Reality: While every child’s experience is unique, early separations, prenatal stressors, medical complications, or other adverse experiences may still affect development. This does not mean a child will struggle, only that early experiences matter.
Reality: While every child’s experience is unique, early separations, prenatal stressors, medical complications, or other adverse experiences may still affect development. This does not mean a child will struggle, only that early experiences matter.
Myth: Difficult behaviors mean a child is ungrateful or manipulative.
Reality: Many behaviors reflect adaptive survival strategies that once helped the child cope with hesitation or fear. Understanding the “why” behind a behavior does not excuse harmful actions, but it can guide parents toward responses that support both healing and healthy boundaries.
Reality: Many behaviors reflect adaptive survival strategies that once helped the child cope with hesitation or fear. Understanding the “why” behind a behavior does not excuse harmful actions, but it can guide parents toward responses that support both healing and healthy boundaries.
As we continue, we’ll explore what these survival responses can look like in everyday family life, how trauma-informed therapies may help, and practical ways parents can support their child’s healing while strengthening their relationship.
A Clinical Perspective
In my work with children and families, one pattern I frequently notice is that parents often come to therapy believing they need to “fix” their child’s behavior. By the time they reach my office, many have already read books, tried different parenting strategies, consulted with teachers, and wondered whether they are doing something wrong.
My first goal is rarely to change behavior. Instead, I help families understand what the behavior may be communicating. When we begin viewing behaviors through a trauma-informed lens, a child who appears defiant may actually be protecting themselves from perceived danger. A child who seems emotionally distant may be trying to avoid the vulnerability that comes with trusting another adult. A child who needs constant reassurance may not be seeking attention—they may be seeking safety.
The Change
This shift in outlook often changes the emotional environment within the family. Parents become less reactive. Children begin feeling better understood. Healing relationships are built not because challenging behaviors disappear overnight, but because both parent and child begin responding to one another differently. Another misconception I frequently hear is that therapy is about helping children “forget” painful experiences. That is not the goal.
Healthy trauma therapy helps children develop the ability to experience memories, emotions, and relationships without remaining trapped in survival mode. Over time, children often become better able to tolerate difficult emotions, recover more quickly following setbacks, and build trust in themselves and others.
There is rarely a single breakthrough moment. More often, healing occurs through hundreds of small experiences of safety, consistency, emotional repair, and connection.
Case Example
The following example is a fictional composite based on common clinical experiences. It does not represent any actual client.
Eight-year-old “Mia” had been adopted at age three after spending time in multiple foster placements. Her adoptive parents described her as bright, funny, and incredibly caring. They also felt confused by some of her behaviors. She hid food in her bedroom despite always having access to meals. She became extremely upset when routines changed unexpectedly.
She frequently asked whether her parents still loved her, even after hearing reassurance multiple times each day. At school, teachers described her as well-mannered and successful. At home, however, small disappointments regularly caused emotional meltdowns.
Her parents initially wondered if they were being extremely lenient or inconsistent. As therapy progressed, they began perceiving these behaviors differently. Rather than seeing food hoarding as disobedience, they recognized it as a strategy that had previously helped Mia survive times of unpredictability. Her need for repeated reassurance reflected an understandable fear of losing the people she loved. Unexpected schedule changes activated a nervous system that had learned stability could disappear without warning.
Therapy focused on helping Mia gradually build emotional management skills while strengthening the sense of safety within her relationships. Her parents also learned new ways to respond during moments of distress. Instead of asking,
“Why are you acting like this?”
they became more likely to ask,
they became more likely to ask,
“What is your brain trying to protect you from right now?”
That simple change in mindset transformed many interactions.
The challenges did not disappear overnight, but the family began working together rather than feeling like they were on opposing sides.
What This Might Look Like in Daily Life
Trauma responses often appear during ordinary family moments.
Parents sometimes tell me, “Everything seemed fine until something small happened.”
That “small” event may have activated an old survival response that has very little to do with the current situation. For example:
Parents sometimes tell me, “Everything seemed fine until something small happened.”
That “small” event may have activated an old survival response that has very little to do with the current situation. For example:
Bedtime
A child becomes anxious every evening, insisting that multiple lights stay on and repeatedly asking whether their parents will still be there in the morning. To a parent, this may appear excessive. To a nervous system defined by uncertainty, bedtime may represent separation and vulnerability.
Family Vacations
Many parents expect vacations to be relaxing. Instead, their child becomes increasingly irritable, emotional, or controlling. Changes in routines, unfamiliar environments, and uncertainty can temporarily overwhelm children whose nervous systems depend heavily on predictability.
Receiving Praise
Some children become uncomfortable when complimented. Others minimize their accomplishments or insist they “don’t deserve it.” Children who experienced neglect or inconsistent caregiving sometimes struggle to believe positive messages about themselves.
Holidays and Birthdays
Special occasions can unexpectedly stir feelings of grief, confusion, or divided loyalty. Older children may wonder about biological family members during celebrations, even while deeply loving their adoptive family.
These mixed emotions are normal and deserve space rather than disapproval.
These mixed emotions are normal and deserve space rather than disapproval.
School Challenges
A child who appears focused at school may come home emotionally exhausted. Holding emotions together throughout the day requires tremendous mental energy. Home often becomes the place where bottled-up stress finally emerges. This can feel discouraging for parents, but it may actually indicate that home feels emotionally safe enough for those feelings to surface.
Therapy Options That May Support Healing
Every child is unique.
The most effective treatment plan depends on the child’s developmental stage, history, strengths, current challenges, and household dynamics. In many cases, therapy is most effective when caregivers are actively involved in the healing process.
Trauma-Informed Counseling
Individual counseling provides children with a safe relationship in which they can reflect on their emotions, strengthen their coping skills, and gradually make sense of difficult experiences.
Therapy is rarely about forcing children to talk before they are ready.
Instead, it focuses on creating emotional safety while helping children build regulation skills and toughness.
Therapy is rarely about forcing children to talk before they are ready.
Instead, it focuses on creating emotional safety while helping children build regulation skills and toughness.
Parent Coaching
Parents are one of the greatest resources in a child’s healing.
Many therapy sessions include helping caregivers understand trauma responses, improve communication, strengthen attachment, and create strategies that support emotional self-regulation at home. When parents gain confidence, children frequently benefit as well.
EMDR Therapy
For some children and adolescents, EMDR may be an appropriate component of trauma treatment.
EMDR helps the brain process distressing memories that continue to trigger powerful emotional or physical reactions. Children routinely engage in EMDR using developmentally appropriate techniques, such as drawing, storytelling, play, or other creative interventions, rather than depending solely on verbal discussion. Not every child is immediately ready for EMDR. Preparation, affective regulation skills, and establishing safety are essential parts of the process.
IASIS Microcurrent Neurofeedback
At Authentic Brain Solutions, I also offer IASIS Microcurrent Neurofeedback as one option that may complement comprehensive trauma-informed care for some individuals.
Unlike traditional talk therapy, neurofeedback focuses on supporting nervous system regulation.
Some children who live in chronic survival mode have brains that remain highly alert even when they are physically safe.
Unlike traditional talk therapy, neurofeedback focuses on supporting nervous system regulation.
Some children who live in chronic survival mode have brains that remain highly alert even when they are physically safe.
The goal is not to erase memories or emotions.
Instead, neurofeedback may help the brain practice more regulated patterns of activity, allowing some people to experience improved emotional flexibility, sleep, attention, or stress tolerance. While many families report meaningful improvements, neurofeedback is not presented as a cure and is best considered as an element of a comprehensive treatment plan developed for the individual child.
Family Therapy
At times, the greatest opportunities for healing occur within the family relationship itself.
Family sessions allow caregivers and children to practice healthier communication, repair misunderstandings, and strengthen secure attachment together.
What Adoptive Parents Can Do at Home
Parents often ask, “What can I do between therapy sessions?”
Although every child is different, these principles frequently support healing.
Choose Curiosity Before Correction
When a behavior feels confusing or frustrating, pause before reacting.
Ask yourself:
“What might my child’s nervous system be trying to accomplish?”
“What might my child’s nervous system be trying to accomplish?”
Curiosity creates space for understanding.
Co-Regulate Before Problem Solving
Children cannot learn new skills effectively when overwhelmed.
Your calm voice, steady presence, and predictable responses support teaching your child’s nervous system what safety feels like. Only after emotions begin settling does problem-solving become productive.
Maintain Predictable Routines
Consistency assists in reducing uncertainty.
Simple routines around meals, bedtime, school mornings, and family activities provide signals of safety to the developing brain.
Repair After Conflict
Every family experiences conflict.
Healthy relationships are not defined by avoiding mistakes. They are strengthened through repair.
Sincere apologies, reconnection, and transparent conversations teach children that relationships can survive difficult moments.
Sincere apologies, reconnection, and transparent conversations teach children that relationships can survive difficult moments.
Celebrate Little Steps
Healing often unfolds gradually.
Parents sometimes overlook important progress because they are understandably focused on the next challenge. Notice the modest achievements:
• A quicker recovery after disappointment.
• Asking for help instead of shutting down.
• Trying a new coping skill.
• Accepting comfort from a trusted adult.
• Displaying flexibility during an unexpected change.
• A quicker recovery after disappointment.
• Asking for help instead of shutting down.
• Trying a new coping skill.
• Accepting comfort from a trusted adult.
• Displaying flexibility during an unexpected change.
These occasions reflect important growth.
Take Care of Yourself, Too
Supporting a child who has experienced trauma can be emotionally demanding.
Parents deserve support as well. Counseling, support groups, trusted friendships, enough rest, and healthy boundaries are not selfish. They help caregivers stay emotionally available for their children. When parents care for their own nervous systems, children benefit from that stability.
Healing from early trauma is rarely about finding a single solution. It is about establishing an environment where safety, trust, connection, and healthy regulation can be experienced over and over again. With time, compassionate relationships, and individualized support, many children develop greater stamina and an increased capacity to experience the world as safer and more predictable than it formerly felt.
Frequently Asked Questions
Can a child experience adoption-related trauma even if they were adopted as an infant?
Yes, some children may experience the effects of early stress or separation even when adopted shortly after birth. Research suggests that infants begin developing relationships, responding to stress, and forming patterns of regulation long before they can express themselves with words. However, every child is unique. Being adopted as an infant does not mean a child will develop trauma-related difficulties, nor does it mean they are destined to struggle later in life.
If concerns arise, it’s helpful to consider the whole picture rather than assuming adoption is the sole explanation.
Does every adopted child experience trauma?
No.
One of the biggest misconceptions surrounding adoption is that all adopted children have experienced trauma. While many children have histories that include loss, neglect, abuse, or multiple caregiver changes, others transition into loving homes with relatively few long-term emotional difficulties. Children are remarkably resilient, especially when surrounded by stable, responsive caregivers. Rather than asking whether adoption always causes trauma, a better question is:
“How has this child’s unique life experience shaped the way they understand safety, relationships, and emotions?”
That perspective honors each child’s individual story.
What are some signs that my child may benefit from professional support?
Every child experiences occasional emotional ups and downs. Consider seeking an evaluation if you observe patterns that persist over time or disturb daily life, such as:
• Frequent emotional outbursts that seem disproportionate to the situation
• Persistent anxiety or excessive worry
• Significant difficulty trusting caregivers
• Extreme reactions to changes in routine
• Ongoing sleep difficulties or nightmares
• Withdrawal from family or friends
• Aggressive behavior that is increasing rather than improving
• Difficulty managing emotions despite consistent parenting strategies
• Persistent anxiety or excessive worry
• Significant difficulty trusting caregivers
• Extreme reactions to changes in routine
• Ongoing sleep difficulties or nightmares
• Withdrawal from family or friends
• Aggressive behavior that is increasing rather than improving
• Difficulty managing emotions despite consistent parenting strategies
Seeking help is not an indication that you have failed as a parent. In many cases, it shows a parent’s devotion to understanding and supporting their child’s mental health.
What type of therapy is helpful for adopted children who have experienced trauma?
There is no single approach that is right for every child.
Treatment frequently depends on the child’s age, developmental level, history, strengths, and current challenges.
A trauma-informed treatment plan may include:
• Individual counseling
• Family therapy
• Parent coaching
• Developmentally appropriate EMDR therapy
• Play-based interventions
• Nervous system regulation strategies
• Neurofeedback as a component of a comprehensive treatment plan when clinically appropriate
A trauma-informed treatment plan may include:
• Individual counseling
• Family therapy
• Parent coaching
• Developmentally appropriate EMDR therapy
• Play-based interventions
• Nervous system regulation strategies
• Neurofeedback as a component of a comprehensive treatment plan when clinically appropriate
A licensed mental health professional is able to determine which approaches best match your child’s individual needs.
Can children fully recover from early trauma?
Healing rarely means erasing difficult experiences.
Instead, healing often looks like helping children form healthier ways of responding to those experiences.
Many children gradually become better able to control emotions, build trusting relationships, recover more quickly from stress, and participate more fully in everyday life.
Many children gradually become better able to control emotions, build trusting relationships, recover more quickly from stress, and participate more fully in everyday life.
The timeline is different for every child. Progress is often measured not by perfection but by increased flexibility, confidence, emotional safety, and connection.
How can I best support my adopted child right now?
One of the greatest gifts you can offer is emotional safety.
Children benefit from caregivers who remain curious instead of immediately assuming the worst, who provide consistent routines, repair after conflict, and communicate unconditional love—even during difficult moments. You do not need to have all the answers.
Showing up consistently, listening with compassion, and seeking additional support when needed can have a profound impact over time.
Every Child’s Story Deserves to Be Understood
One lesson I have learned throughout my years as a therapist is that behavior rarely tells the whole story.
Behind nearly every challenging behavior is an unmet need, an unresolved fear, or a nervous system that learned to survive under circumstances no child should have to endure. For adoptive parents, this realization can be both emotional and freeing.
Behind nearly every challenging behavior is an unmet need, an unresolved fear, or a nervous system that learned to survive under circumstances no child should have to endure. For adoptive parents, this realization can be both emotional and freeing.
It shifts the focus away from asking, “What’s wrong with my child?” and toward a more compassionate question:
“What has my child experienced, and what do they need from me now?”
The Shift
That shift does not eliminate the challenges of parenting. There will still be difficult days, moments of frustration, and times when progress feels slower than hoped. Yet viewing your child’s behavior through the lens of connection rather than punishment creates opportunities for healing that extend far beyond managing symptoms.
Healing also doesn’t happen because of a single perfect conversation, a single therapy session, or a single parenting strategy. More often, it develops through thousands of ordinary moments:
Healing also doesn’t happen because of a single perfect conversation, a single therapy session, or a single parenting strategy. More often, it develops through thousands of ordinary moments:
• A calm response instead of an angry reaction.
• A predictable bedtime routine.
• A hug after a difficult day.
• A repaired relationship after conflict.
• A caregiver who continues showing up with patience, even when healing feels slow.
• A predictable bedtime routine.
• A hug after a difficult day.
• A repaired relationship after conflict.
• A caregiver who continues showing up with patience, even when healing feels slow.
New Messages
These repeated experiences teach the brain something it may not have learned early in life:
“I am safe.”
“I am loved.”
“The adults in my life are here for me.”
“I am safe.”
“I am loved.”
“The adults in my life are here for me.”
Those messages, experienced consistently over time, can become powerful building blocks for resilience.
As parents, caregivers, and professionals, we cannot change what happened before adoption. What we can do is help create an environment where children experience safety, trust, connection, and hope often enough that new patterns begin to emerge. For many families, that is where meaningful healing begins.
As parents, caregivers, and professionals, we cannot change what happened before adoption. What we can do is help create an environment where children experience safety, trust, connection, and hope often enough that new patterns begin to emerge. For many families, that is where meaningful healing begins.
A Compassionate Invitation
If you’re raising an adopted child and find yourself wondering whether past experiences may still be affecting your child’s emotions or behavior, know that you don’t have to sort through those questions alone.
Seeking support is not a sign of failure. It is an investment in understanding your child’s unique needs and building a stronger relationship.
Seeking support is not a sign of failure. It is an investment in understanding your child’s unique needs and building a stronger relationship.
Neuroscience Informed Care
At Authentic Brain Solutions, I work with children, adolescents, and families using neuroscience-informed counseling, trauma-focused approaches, nervous system regulation strategies, developmentally appropriate EMDR therapy, and IASIS Microcurrent Neurofeedback when clinically appropriate. Every treatment plan is individualized because every child brings a different history, personality, and set of strengths.
Whether your child is struggling with anxiety, emotional regulation, attachment concerns, or the lasting effects of early adversity, healing is possible. While there are no quick fixes, many families discover that with compassionate guidance, consistent support, and evidence-informed care, children can develop greater resilience, stronger relationships, and a renewed sense of safety.
If you’re ready to explore what that support could look like for your family, I encourage you to reach out for a conversation. Together, we can determine whether counseling or another therapeutic approach may be a good fit for your child’s unique story.
Eileen Borski, LPC, NCC, is a Licensed Professional Counselor, National Certified Counselor, Certified EMDR Therapist, and Certified IASIS Microcurrent Neurofeedback Provider. As the owner of Authentic Brain Solutions, she specializes in neuroscience-informed counseling, trauma recovery, anxiety, depression, nervous system regulation, EMDR Therapy, and neurofeedback. With over 25 years of leadership experience in corporate America, Eileen brings a unique perspective on stress, performance pressure, burnout, and emotional resilience.
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